Original StrongSteps educational article. General information; not a diagnosis or individualized treatment advice.
A familiar song, an empty chair, or a question about holiday plans can bring a loss into sharp focus. Grief during the holidays can exist alongside affection, gratitude, frustration, relief, or moments of enjoyment. You do not have to make your feelings fit the season’s expectations.
The National Institute on Aging describes grief as a response that can affect both emotional and physical life. There is no single correct way to mourn. If grief is making everyday life difficult, a health professional or grief support resource can help you consider additional support.
Decide which traditions still fit this year
You may want to keep a tradition, change it, or pause it. Consider making that decision in smaller pieces: whether to attend, how long to stay, who can accompany you, and how you will leave if you need to. Agreeing to one part of a gathering does not obligate you to every activity.
If others have different wishes, try describing your own capacity rather than debating the correct way to remember someone. “I want to join dinner, but I am not ready to stay all evening” can be enough information.
Give people a specific way to help
Friends may care deeply and still feel unsure what to do. You can ask for a quiet visit, help with a meal, company on an errand, or a check-in after an event. You can also say when you do not want advice.
- “Please ask me again next week, even if I do not have much to say today.”
- “I would like to talk about them, if you have time to listen.”
- “Could we make a plan that does not involve a large gathering?”
Supporting someone who is grieving
Acknowledge the loss without requiring a response. Avoid deciding that a person should be ready to move on or that a cheerful event will fix things. Ask before sharing their story, photographs, or personal information, including in a fundraiser or public tribute.
Continue reaching out after the holiday itself. An ordinary Tuesday can be difficult, too. A modest offer you can reliably keep may mean more than an open-ended promise.
Connection through StrongSteps
Ask StrongSteps about community resources and possible support options. We do not assume every person needs the same type of support. If you would like to strengthen community connection, explore volunteering or support our mission. Giving is a choice, never an expectation placed on someone who is grieving.
Sources: NIA: Coping With Grief and Loss; SAMHSA: Coping With Bereavement and Grief.
